Trauma

I've had a bad week. In four days I've been in two car wrecks.

The first one was decidedly not my fault. The second was a slide off.

Most of the backroads were ok, so I decided to go the short way. I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have risked it in any case. But I did. And I was fine...until I wasn't.

That last road was a sheet of ice and I was only going about 20 mph, but all of a sudden I was also going through a barbed wire fence. Normally when things like that happen you see it in slow-mo. Like the in the movies. This time all I remember is that one second I was on the road in complete control of the truck and the next I was plowing through a fence. There's no in between. It happened that fast.

It's always a weird feeling to me when disaster hits. Because it feels as if my world should be ending. I should be miserable. I should be hysterical. But I'm usually, almost always, quite calm.

I had to work myself up to cry, because I knew I should cry. Because I knew it was awful.

The Amish guy, whose fence was bobbing around in the air, was really nice about the whole thing. Really nice. Like, unfathomably. I just want you to understand how nice he was. There was nothing strained about it. He wasn't angry. The niceness wasn't out of obligation. It wasn't strained. And when he told me not to worry about replacing it, he meant it. It was weird, kids, but oh-so welcome.

I called the office and told them what had happened. It was so completely surreal. People do not have lives like this. Not unless they're me.

One of my co-workers sent her husband out to check out me. He let me know that I should call the cops, since there was property damage. Then my boss came out and sat with me while I waited for police and the actual dismay over what had happened sunk in.

It was a pretty depressing day. I'm not normally sad a lot. I know I don't strike people as being uber happy, but normally I am happy. The lack of happy was almost as bad as anything else that happened. I was so worn out by it that I went to bed around 8 pm and slept for 12 hours!

Today was much better. For some reason walking around in the hidious cold for a couple hours today felt really good and the movie Twilight was not nearly as awful as I thought it would be. I...actually enjoyed it.

I hate what happened, it makes me feel like a terrible person. I hate the amount of money involved and I hate that I broke something. But I can't change it now.