Monday, October 1, 2007

If something can go wrong...

The SUV we borrowed broke. The internet only half works. The hot water doesn't work at all.

There was more drama, but I think I've blocked it from my memory. So in the interest of keeping it blocked I'm going to list all the reasons why a medium-sized city kicks the snot out of living in the country.

1. The country is scary. There are an infinate number of places for bad people to hide. No one can hear you if you scream. Even if there are no bad people - animals attack you and steal your trash.

In a medium sized city there's just enough drug activity & protestituion to keep the police patrolling the neighborhoods, but not so much that they won't have time to pick up the drunk who got lives next door and mistook your house for his own.

In the country the man will be all sobered up before the police even find your house.

2. 24 Hour Everything.

Somehow country/small town business owners operate under the delusion that it's still 1952 with housewives running all the errends during the day in their pretty floral dresses and high heels.

It's the only explenation for why nothing is open past 5 when all normal people get off work.
In a city there's always somewhere open that sells that must-have item.

3. Better selection of anything.

From your phone service to the grocery store you simply have more options. And since there's more competition you're more likely to get what-ever-it-is on the cheap.

In the country the selection is so scarce that you might just end up in a bidding war with some farmer. And since the farmer makes more money than you this can only be bad.

4. Everybody knows your name

Or at least what you buy.

In a city there are neighborhoods and yours will be where you form a pattern of activity. Grocery, convenience store, gas station, park, restaurants - you have your favorites and so does everyone else. You get to know the people who are there the same time as you or who work in those places. You might be on a first name basis, but probably most people have handles - "The bird lady", "Coffee guy", "Mullet man" etc.

Ok, not exactly deep friendships here, but it makes the neighborhood your own and you feel welcome.

The small town on the other hand you will never belong to. You are an outsider. You didn't have Mr. Lakowsky for tenth grade English. You weren't around for the great flood of '92. You don't remember when the Shell Station used to be Dairy Queen. If you can't stand around for an hour talking about nothing with the locals you can't be their friend.

5. Wildlife

In the city there are cute animals like squirrels, chipmunks, & sparrows.
In the country there are racoons, possums, and loose dogs.

6. Sidewalks

7. Traffic

In the country the only real excuses for being late are, "I was caught by a train" or, "A rabid dog chewed off my arm."

In the city anything might happen so you can make up whatever excuse you want!

No doubt there are many other reasons why cities are better - but these are definately topping my list.


Emily said...

I'm sorry about practically everything not going well. Hopefully it will be back to normal soon.

Robin Marie said...

I love your list. Love it. We should have called the police about that one guy, even if it wouldn't have done anything, huh?

Melody said...

Eh. He probably lived in one of the apartment buildings or he wouldn't have been dropped there.

I don't think the police take it too seriously if you call and say, "There's a drunk man sitting outside his apartment!"

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